Film Update!

Having seen The Deer Hunter, Azim Shah was unable to determine whether it was a film or a real memory. Paradoxically, he believed himself to be the Willem Dafoe character.

Facebook

In 2002 I more or less told Azim to invent what is now known as Facebook. He didn't because he's a waste of time. Now every time he uses Facebook he cries a tear from precisely one eye. He is also unable to view David Fincher's 'The Social Network' without being violently sick.

A young Azim

"I just want to be a superhero", cried a young Azim Shah, "like the great Batman." His mum looked at him and laughed, "But son, Batman is a mere invention - he's not real! Surely a man cannot dress in a costume and go around fighting crime?" With this Azim was sad, though aged only four at the time of this story, he had already decided on his future - to be a great superhero! Azim's mum laughed and sighed, "Oh son, maybe one day I'll be proven wrong, and superheroes will rise to help those truly in need. But it won't be you because you're a prick."

The shit returns

Azim once burnt down an ORPHANAGE. When 'the police' asked him why he did this he could only answer "You can't not do a double dare" and shrugged, with a confused look on his face as if to question why the police were wasting his time.

Stealing.

Watch out for Azim, he steals stuff! That cunt!

The one thing I hate about Azim.

The one thing I hate most in the whole world about Azim Shah is that he says foul language in front of GIRLS AND WOMEN. Much of the time he is more sexually explicit than you would really want at 7am and you've just got to work and you're still half asleep and that. And that's me saying that, and I'm a man; what would a woman think? Not fucking much, that's for sure.

Jesus Christ...

Azim doesn't like to use staplers because he doesn't 'trust' their design. What a FUCKING MORON.